While my web presence isn't quite the tell-all memoir it was back in '00-'04 when everything and anything wound up in my blog, I usually post big things rather quickly. Well, these past few months, there have been things I've had to keep close for various reasons. Some of it, strangely enough, has been awesome news. Some of it has been not-so-awesome stuff. Some of it is nebulous. For whatever reason, I've had to keep some pretty big things to a limited circle rather than post it publicly for all to know.
It's kinda weird for me.
Sure, I can talk about it privately. I can call friends or tell them these things when I see them, but still, I've been trying to keep the loop small so that news doesn't travel too quickly and get distorted. Not to mention the fact that it's REALLY hard for me to keep good news to myself. Seriously, I have ended up telling Sean about his birthday presents because I'm just so damn excited. (I know, I suck in that way. BUT, in all fairness, while I told him about the tickets to see Weird Al, I did NOT tell him about the backstage passes until the show started.) And when bad or ambiguous things happen, I may post about it solely because I need support. Or I may just keep it close until I know more so that I don't cause anyone undue concern.
Here I sit. One hand full of WOW and the other holding worry. And if you think this brought with it a sense of balance you'd be wrong. It's a strange tug of war, actually. Can't talk about the good. Not sure if I want to talk about the other. Don't want to make something out of what is probably nothing.
Patience has never been one of my virtues. But, in all cases right now, all I can do is wait for the calendar to change. And what's maddening? That's literally ALL I can do. There's no action I can take right now to speed any of it up. So far, one has distracted me from the other in a graceful dance. I've gone from partner to partner. I almost hope the dance continues this way. WOW keeping my mind from Worry. Worry keeping me from going crazy over the WOW.
I ask for patience. I ask for calm.
But, mostly, I ask ... are we there yet?